The One Where I Was Plan B

DISCLAIMER:
These stories are inspired by Felicia’s colorful 2017. If the reader prefers, the short stories/blogs or parts of it may be regarded as fiction. But as Ernest Hemingway said, there is always the chance that fiction may throw some light on what has been regarded as fact.
Continued from "The One With My First Weekend in Hartford"...

... I always thought that despite how painful(for me) our break up was, I have these good memories of and with John. I was not a damsel in distress who needed rescuing, but he certainly was my knight in shining armor. I waited for years and thought I finally met my prince charming. Instead, I still ended up with a sleazoid, a complete fraud. One who broke me, hurt my children and his own, when he decided to betray us all...

The worst thing is, he knew it from the beginning, and then planned the next stages of our relationship. 
Lili said John never loved me and that he was pursuing her the whole time. She said she flirted back, but she was still in a relationship then. So for almost 4 years, I was plan B for John. I was good to him, good on paper, good for show, and good with the children. 

 When Lili left what she described as a tumultuous relationship, she started reciprocating John’s advances. At least that's what she told me. But then, John was still my fiancĂ©, though he promised Lili he was going to leave me... except he didn't , he kept me... for another 1 1/2 years. And even when I broke up with him for reasons that now made sense, he wouldn’t let me go quietly. And although I had not seen him in months, I still get the usual text messages, FaceTime and 1800flowers.com. That whole time, I thought he just needed time and space. I guess he still wanted plan B, just in case.
My friend and John’s cousin, Amy said Lili was just saying all those things to hurt me, so I would stop responding to John's outreach. Well, she could have made this story up, except that she secretly recorded John and had me listen to it. She confronted him, and naturally, he defended himself. 
Can you imagine hearing the man you love, the man who's proposal of marriage you happily accepted, the man you opened your heart and your home to, repeatedly deny you and mock you just to please this woman he has been cheating on you with?  To this day, I still don't know how I was able to compose myself in front of Lili for 2 hours. Not only was she showing me photos, but she was repeating John's words as she listened to her recording of him, words like "I was just gradually decreasing my communications with Felicia. Look! I am going to block her now."
Before November 2017, I wanted to think that at one point, John really loved me. That there was a time, it was real. But such hurtful words do not come out from someone, who at one point loved somebody. And for anybody who watched me and John grow(?) together, it will be shocking to hear John say, "I never loved Felicia, I never meant to ask her to marry me, I did it for her parents, for her family. There was no compatibility"...but John did say all these, with a firm tone and strong emotions, trying so hard to convince Lili that he was done with me. It sounded like I was the "other woman." 
As diabolical and calculating as Lili "secretly recording John" was (later on setting him up in his office to make herself look good- 'Spoiler Alert-Future Blog', she is not a villain of my story. She actually opened my eyes...and literally,  my ears. She made me see what type of person John really is. Something I refused to see, because my love for him and willingness to put my belief that he is good always trumped all the doubts and the bad news that came week after week. Now, because of scheming Lili, I didn't have to blame myself anymore, I didn't have to hope and wait in vain, or ask questions John will never give me answers to.
You see, even after May 2017, John kept giving me hope, misleading me, making me think he was in a mess. Once in October at 1:43am, I got a Spotify link to "Coming of Age," a song about a man who had gone astray, but is now asking for his woman to take him back. And then a week later, I got "Still Feel Like Your Man" by John Myer. Another month earlier, I got a text message, "Believe me, God is punishing me."  

In a way, Lili, with her selfish motives saved me. I can see why John chose her. It will be a very exciting relationship when both parties always have to watch their backs and see who gets to stab the other first. Remember,John sort of made me "the other woman." He lied to Lili about his continued communications with me, and the fact that we were still together. At least, that's what Lili claimed. And then Lili betrayed John back, by recording him, by setting him up so I can confront him in his office (Don't judge just yet, there's a big story behind this). 

  • Now, to my readers… As heartbreaking as these may all sound, remember that my blog’s title is Bye Felicia, Hello Life. The “Hello Life” parts will be blogged about,  (some are already in “The One With The Piano” and “The One With The Summer Surprises.”)  But as writer Octavia Butler said, “ You don't start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap… thinking it's good stuff, and then gradually, you get better at it.”
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Comments

Grainne said…
Awful as it is, it sounds like Lili did you a favour of sorts (sorry couldn’t think of a better word), her selfishness benefited you eventually!
Anonymous said…
I know men (and women) flirt. People cheat. But this guy is fucked up and Lili is crazy AF
Anonymous said…
Yeah. The 2 cheaters are made for each other
Rachel said…
Wow, I’m sorry you had to experience this. Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure it is healing to process it his way.
I’m sorry this happened to you. It must have been very painful. On the flip side, I love your writing! I
I'm so sorry you went through. I find writing therapeutic and I hope you are finding that too.
Thank you. I am in a better place now, but still have a lot to write. And I quote Octavia Butler- “You don't start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it's good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it.
That's why I say one of the most valuable traits is persistence.”
Thank you. I am in a better place now, but still have a lot to write. And I quote Octavia Butler- “You don't start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it's good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it.
That's why I say one of the most valuable traits is persistence.”
Nicole Hood said…
I can relate. I totally feel your pain. Trust me life is much better without him.
Paulette said…
Trust me when I tell you, this experience will make you stronger and prepare you for your future relationship. Although trusting won't come easy but don't let this person ruin it for the next person.
Lex said…
Wow, this was very deep. You are so strong
Anonymous said…
Yikes! Well, the trash took itself out. You're better off.
Julie Plagens said…
Goodness. That’s a lot of drama for a person. I hope you’re okay now. You are better than being with that turkey.
Writing is a great way to help you vent out your feelings and move on and I'm glad you did. It's the perfect therapy.
Denisha Mathews said…
You're using a grear outlet to express your emotions. Are you turning this into a book?
Hema Gayatri said…
So sorry you had to experience all this. I can totally understand the pain. Totally love your writing skills.
The Honest Mom said…
This sounds like such a tough situation.. I cannot imagine being in your shoes, but writing about it can be so therapeutic!
Anonymous said…
I can totally relate to your stories. I was in a similar toxic relationship where I always was made to feel like I did something wrong. I give you so much credit for sharing your story!
Hi Denisha. I would love to turn this into book, but I still have a lot to learn about writing. This is my first ever! Thank you.
Ashley said…
I'm sorry this happened to you! All of life's twists and turns can be really hard, but it is always good when you can find the silver lining and find a way to enjoy the present and hopes for the future, rather than dwelling in the past. Good for you for writing about it and moving on in a positive way.
Echo Shehadeh said…
Man, I am so sorry this happened to you! I don't even know how I would handle it. I know I would not be nearly as positive as you are. Good job on you working and moving through this.
Keisha Mangum said…
So glad you were able to overcome your pain.
Anonymous said…
Wow what a horrible thing to go through! I’m sorry for that but what a well written story that can help and support so many who have been through similar situations. Thank you for opening up and sharing!
Shannon Olsen said…
It sounds like you have been through a lot! I admire you for turning it into something positive through your writing.
Sounds like you had a really tough time but made it through. You will be stronger for it. Your honesty is beautiful
Anonymous said…
This can almost be the start of a novel. Sad to hear about stories like this
Victor S. said…
Sad story, sorry to hear that you had to go through such tough experiences. But, like everything else in life, bad experiences have an end too.
Ally said…
I have read some of your other posts as well. This sounds like a terrible situation. Have you considered adding them all together in a novel?
Arleene said…
Wow, I am deeply sorry that this happened to you. I feel your pain, my mom went though something very similar with my stepdad. Till this day I can't find it in me to forgive him for what he did to her even though she has learned to move on and forgive.
R. Roy said…
Bringing such stories out to others needs courage. I thank you for this. And, yes, I don't feel sorry for you. You have learned your lesson of life you would have otherwise not learned.
M. Akamatra said…
As a woman who was cheated on by her almost husband I can totally feel your pain. I dodged a bullet though and so have you!
I'm sorry this happened to you, but be thankful you found out sooner than later. Life is a road of lessons that we continue to grow stronger, with every let down that we experience.
Lasha said…
You have such a great perspective. Love this. Thank you for the encouraging words. I'm glad you can share your story.
Essi Hendrix said…
Dang! I'm so sorry you had to grow through that heartache! John isn't and wasn't worth it and I am glad you were able to move on holding your head up high....
Ophelia T said…
Thank you for sharing your story. Being cheated on sucks and there are so many people that i know got cheated on.
Thank you for sharing this story. I know how hard it is to be cheated on. BUt it takes courage to come forward and share it. Great post. Keep writing.
Minakshi Bajpai said…
I’m sorry this happened to you. It must have been very painful. But you gained a experience.
I can't imagine how painful it must be but I'm glad to know that this part of your like was over and you are ready to say hello to a new chapter of your life.
You are one strong person. This was totally a bad experience but you should feel proud as you chose to learn from it than playing silent as a victim.
Enjoy Freebies said…
What a difficult place to be. I'm so sorry that happened to you. But you have come out of it much stronger and wiser. Screw that guy!
Jocelyn Nielson said…
Wow, good for the two of them to end up together. Better to be together away from you than to be trapped in the middle.
What an insightful post - made me think! Could be the start of book. Such pain though which is so hard.
Julie Plagens said…
Yeah, you are right. Lili is not the villain. She did you a favor. She saved you from a horrible marriage. I keep wondering every time I read your blogs...do they know you’re right this about them? Are they reading this?? Curious minds want to know!
Nik said…
The content is filled with emotions. One can easily relate to it. Thanks for sharing.
I posted as anonymous so reposting my comment. This sounds tragic like the start of a novel. It is brave if you to share your writings on a topic like this that affects many people or loved ones like mothers, sisters, friends.
Yuli Armstrong said…
Tragedy breeds triumph. And just like the blog name says, by Felicia hello life.

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