The One Where I Was Plan B

DISCLAIMER:

These stories are inspired by Felicia’s colorful 2017. If the reader prefers, the short stories/blogs or parts of it may be regarded as fiction. But as Ernest Hemingway said, there is always the chance that fiction may throw some light on what has been regarded as fact.

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Continued from "The One With My First Weekend in Hartford"...

... I always thought that despite how painful(for me) our break up was, I have these good memories of and with John. I was not a damsel in distress who needed rescuing, but he certainly was my knight in shining armor. I waited for years and thought I finally met my prince charming. Instead, I still ended up with a sleazoid, a complete fraud. One who broke me, hurt my children and his own, when he decided to betray us all...

The worst thing is, he knew it from the beginning, and then planned the next stages of our relationship. 

Lili said John never loved me and that he was pursuing her the whole time. She said she flirted back, but she was still in a relationship then. So for almost 4 years, I was plan B for John. I was good to him, good on paper, good for show, and good with the children. 

 When Lili left what she described as a tumultuous relationship, she started reciprocating John’s advances. At least that's what she told me. But then, John was still my fiancé, though he promised Lili he was going to leave me... except he didn't , he kept me... for another 1 1/2 years. And even when I broke up with him for reasons that now made sense, he wouldn’t let me go quietly. And although I had not seen him in months, I still get the usual text messages, FaceTime and 1800flowers.com. That whole time, I thought he just needed time and space. I guess he still wanted plan B, just in case.

My friend and John’s cousin, Amy said Lili was just saying all those things to hurt me, so I would stop responding to John's outreach. Well, she could have made this story up, except that she secretly recorded John and had me listen to it. She confronted him, and naturally, he defended himself. 

Can you imagine hearing the man you love, the man who's proposal of marriage you happily accepted, the man you opened your heart and your home to, repeatedly deny you and mock you just to please this woman he has been cheating on you with?  To this day, I still don't know how I was able to compose myself in front of Lili for 2 hours. Not only was she showing me photos, but she was repeating John's words as she listened to her recording of him, words like "I was just gradually decreasing my communications with Felicia. Look! I am going to block her now."

Before November 2017, I wanted to think that at one point, John really loved me. That there was a time, it was real. But such hurtful words do not come out from someone, who at one point loved somebody. And for anybody who watched me and John grow(?) together, it will be shocking to hear John say, "I never loved Felicia, I never meant to ask her to marry me, I did it for her parents, for her family. There was no compatibility"...but John did say all these, with a firm tone and strong emotions, trying so hard to convince Lili that he was done with me. It sounded like I was the "other woman." 

As diabolical and calculating as Lili "secretly recording John" was (later on setting him up in his office to make herself look good- 'Spoiler Alert-Future Blog', she is not a villain of my story. She actually opened my eyes...and literally,  my ears. She made me see what type of person John really is. Something I refused to see, because my love for him and willingness to put my belief that he is good always trumped all the doubts and the bad news that came week after week. Now, because of scheming Lili, I didn't have to blame myself anymore, I didn't have to hope and wait in vain, or ask questions John will never give me answers to.

You see, even after May 2017, John kept giving me hope, misleading me, making me think he was in a mess. Once in October at 1:43am, I got a Spotify link to "Coming of Age," a song about a man who had gone astray, but is now asking for his woman to take him back. And then a week later, I got "Still Feel Like Your Man" by John Myer. Another month earlier, I got a text message, "Believe me, God is punishing me."  

In a way, Lili, with her selfish motives saved me. I can see why John chose her. It will be a very exciting relationship when both parties always have to watch their backs and see who gets to stab the other first. Remember,John sort of made me "the other woman." He lied to Lili about his continued communications with me, and the fact that we were still together. At least, that's what Lili claimed. And then Lili betrayed John back, by recording him, by setting him up so I can confront him in his office (Don't judge just yet, there's a big story behind this).

To be continued… The One with the Black Panther.

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  Now, to my readers… As heartbreaking as these may all sound, remember that my blog’s title is Bye Felicia, Hello Life. The “Hello Life” parts will be blogged about,  (some are already in “The One With The Summer Surprises.”)  But as writer Octavia Butler said, “ You don't start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap… thinking it's good stuff, and then gradually, you get better at it.”

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