DISCLAIMER:
These stories are inspired by Felicia’s colorful 2017. If the reader prefers, the short stories/blogs or parts of it may be regarded as fiction. But as Ernest Hemingway said, there is always the chance that fiction may throw some light on what has been regarded as fact.
I
am hoping you have read some of my past blogs already. Otherwise, you may be
lost in this one. For a little background, I suggest to read blog entry, "The One When I Spent My First Weekend
in Hartford."
“The One When I Was A Trumpster"
(Note: This is not political post. John and our kids always tease me how obsessed I am with current events since the elections. I do not deny it. And I am going to use that to have some fun as I reflect on my days with John)
I
accepted John’s proposal of marriage not just because I loved him,
but I thought we were very compatible. I truly believed
he was the one. We shared many interests, from music to movies, to our passion
for education and of course, our teen-aged children. We also shared a dislike
of many things. Now, I question if those interests and dislikes of him were
even real, or were those all just part of his big act?
The one thing I know we still share to this day is our dislike of
Donald Trump. When we were still together, we had numerous conversations about
politics, particularly the 2016 presidential elections. That dreadful morning
in November 9th 2016, I woke up with a heavy
heart. John texted me that he too woke up sick in his stomach. I
wished John and I were together when the results came out, because like for
many others, that was a difficult and sad morning to wake up to. But then
again, I did not know John was already waking up next to someone else.
Trump and the Nicknames
As much as John “hated” Donald Trump, I didn’t realize until now
how similar their personalities are, at least in some aspects. For
example, you know how Trump has names for his adversaries, like Crooked Hilary,
Lying Ted, Little Marco, Pocahontas and Little Rocket Man? I picked this
Trump trait first, because John had adjectives for many of his exes(Spoiler
Alert: “The One With The Exes”). There was Evil Emma, Freaky April and Crazy
Krystal. He described Marlene as being too miserable and Saychelle was selfish
and self-absorbed. Even Lili had a name. It was Silly Lili. Although, I think I
was the one who came up with that name, only because when I asked him what his
name for Lili was, he said “She does not count, she wasn’t even a
girlfriend. It was casual.” But then, Lili ended up to be more than a
“co-worker with benefits.”
Before August 2017, I thought Lili was John’s Steve Bannon. They both have dark secrets and they both lie...a lot. Trump kept Bannon in the White House even if Ivanka, Jared and the Trump sons hate Bannon. John's family doesn't like Lili. I can't blame them. They found out Lili set me and John up in the office. Nadine hates Lili with a passion, and yet John didn't mind Lili moving in to his house, and didn't even bother discussing this with his children. This really made me think Lili was John's Steve Bannon, but then Trump ended up firing Bannon and gave him the name “Sloppy Steve.”
Apparently, Steve Bannon could not win in the White House
because he was too much like Trump. So I guess Lili is not Bannon. As much as Lili is so much like John, it seems like she knows how to work him, despite revealing her true colors, despite the family not liking her, despite her dark past. Emma once told me, "John found himself a woman more devious and more manipulative than he is." Well, in that case, then I
guess Lili is more like a Putin to John's Trump.
One of the things Lili told me in
her office on that dreadful day in November 2017, was that she was aware of all
the nicknames, because he told her about them as well. She’s even aware
that her name was “Silly Lili.” I asked her, “What was mine?” I can’t help but
think it’s Fairy tale Felicia or Foolish Felicia. After all, everything was
right in front of my nose and I still missed it. Lili said, John didn’t have a
nickname for me at all. And that every time he talked about me to her, it’s
always about lack of compatibility. I did not believe her. I said “There must
be one for me, because there was one for all of you.” Lili insisted there was
none and she also said it as if I was that unimportant. Again, she said John
just always told her how incompatible we were with each other, nothing
more.
Despite the fact that John and I
come from very different backgrounds, our love and passion for the same things
made me think I really found my soulmate. We spoke the same
language, whether it was about movies, music or about our jobs. When I said
FERPA or NEASC, and he said PD, IEP, experiential learning, we
understood what the other meant. We even had similar struggles with
our teenage children. We shared many interests and had never run out
of things to talk about. You can imagine my shock and pain each time Lili
shared John’s sentiments about our “incompatibility.”
John also mentioned a few more
exes, like Marie, or was that Mary? There was also a Cheryl, or maybe Sheri, the one he cheated on with Bonnie from high school. He admitted to
that, but then he also said, “That was in high school. I was young and stupid, and she
moved to another state. That was the only time I cheated.” There were many
more, but I did not take these conversations in a negative way. You see,
instead of questioning John’s character, I took it as him being very honest and
comfortable with me. I was his friend, and I was “the one.”
Trump and Ms. UniverseMany times in the past, we talked about his exes, particularly how “diverse” his selection was. His response was always the same- “I don’t discriminate. I give everyone equal opportunity.” Of course this was a joke, a smarty pants response which we always enjoyed giving each other. See, when you love someone, you don’t overanalyze their jokes and conclude that it was always a reflection of character. Now, when I think about that statement, which I probably heard from John at least 10 times, I see Donald Trump parading his Ms. Universe contestants.
Trump and the Women
Each time John showed me a picture of an ex, my reaction was always, “she’s beautiful,” “she looks like a model,” “Pretty!” John’s response to me was always, “I don’t date ugly women.” Again, I took this as another harmless tease between the two of us. Also, I found it flattering. After all, I was the one he proposed to. Remember when Trump denied one of his accusers because, apparently, she looked horrible (unattractive) and that she was not his type?
- Spoiler Alert: When I asked Nadine if
this woman was pretty(I
didn’t know yet that it was Lili), Nadine said with an “Eww”
expression on her face, “Nooo! Her eyes are weird and she looks very
shady.” Months later, John’s cousin Amy said the same thing, “Not
pretty at all, which was surprising to us because we know John’s type.”
Amy said that Evan, John’s young nephew thought Lili was the pizza
delivery lady. I know this seems childish, and no disrespect to
pizza ladies, I’m just quoting little Evan. Evil Emma (who I like)
would disagree though. Emma thinks Lili looks like a donkey. 😉
Remember when the "Access Hollywood" tape emerged in which Trump boasted that stardom allowed him “access” to many women? Well, John did not do this, but he did always bragged about how the women at work always complimented his appearance, whether it’s his outfits or his new haircut, that he is the “flirtee” of the many women at work who flirt with him. Of course back then, I took these as harmless jokes between the two of us. Maybe he was just trying to tell me that I got myself a stud.
Trump fires Tillerson on Twitter
John(Trump):
I actually got along well with Felicia(Tillerson). But really it was a
different mindset. It was a different thinking.
John(Trump): I respect the process that we’ve all gone through together. We have a very good relationship… And frankly, I get along well with Felicia(Tillerson). As you know, I wish Felicia(Tillerson) a lot of good things. I think she’s going to do — I think she’s going to be very happy. I think Felicia(Tillerson) will be much happier now. But I really appreciate her service.
John(Trump): I respect the process that we’ve all gone through together. We have a very good relationship… And frankly, I get along well with Felicia(Tillerson). As you know, I wish Felicia(Tillerson) a lot of good things. I think she’s going to do — I think she’s going to be very happy. I think Felicia(Tillerson) will be much happier now. But I really appreciate her service.
Trump and the Blame Game
I’ve been told to question the
character of a person who speaks ill of their ex. I do think talking about an
ex doesn’t always signal relationship doom. In fact, it can help build a solid
foundation for your current relationship. It is only now that I realize John
didn’t talk about his past relationships that way. He implied it was all their
fault, hence, the nicknames, miserable, selfish, crazy, etc. I guess our failed
relationship was my fault too. This again made me think of another
Trump personality trait. Do you know that if you start typing “Trump blames” on
your search bar, Google will start giving you options of -
· “Trump
blames Obama for shutdown”
· “Trump
blames Puerto Ricans for slow hurricane response”
· “Trump
blames Jeff Sessions for Moore’s loss”
· “Trump
blames Steve Bannon for Democrat Doug Jones’ win”
· “Trump
blames Democrats, when he signed a bill he said he will never sign again”
· “Trump
blames FBI for Florida school shooting”
· “Trump blames Dems for DACA fail?”
· “Trump blames Dems for DACA fail?”
In Trump's most recent book, Crippled America, he wrote "I'm a really nice guy. Believe me, I pride myself on being a nice guy. Trump also said “I’m a good guy” in many of his rallies and interviews. This reminded me of a time when John was insisting to come to Boston to see me. (Note: This was late in 2016, when John was already very distant and unavailable to me, but somehow still playing the game of “You don’t understand. I’m just in a difficult place right now, but I still love you”).
I did not hear from him until the next day,
when I got the usual, “Good morning, beautiful” text message.
“I will never forget this exchange. I didn’t know
what he meant by “You will regret this!!!” until the following year. The only
thing I regret is not leaving sooner.
Trump and
MelaniaIn the morning of his 2017 swearing-in ceremony, Trump didn’t wait for Melania— or help her out of the car, or take her arm —before charging up the White House steps to greet former President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle. Instead, Melania walked up alone, a few paces behind her husband, with the box in her hands. This scene reminded me of coming up to John’s house holding my bags of my usual presents(food favorites!), with John walking ahead of me, while David and Nadine opened and held the door, welcomed me with hugs and helped me with my bags. Although John and I used to walk side-by-side and hand-in-hand , this changed after about 2 years. He started complaining of how I walked so slow and that I was doing it on purpose. In fact, when I found out about his “Mr. Hyde,” I found his Pinterest account, which apparently he used to share horoscope quotes, provocative slogans and naughty images with Lili (Spoiler Alert: The One With The Pinterest”). I felt a pinch in my heart when I read his comment of “So true!!!” on this particular pin.
Trump and the White House
John sent me many pictures of him while at work, sometimes, even when he was at meetings. I got messages like “I have to fire someone today. This sucks.” “I’m stuck here trying to cut 6.5 million from the budget!” Somehow, I was proud that my man had a very important job, even if it was a job he hated. John often talked to me about the politics that goes on in his place of work. Again, I thought of this as him being an honorable man. He shared these stories with me as if he felt so bad. He expressed his sadness each time his boss asked him to fire someone in the office, sometimes, people who don’t even report to him. It’s almost like he was the best person to say “You’re fired.” I’m sure he did it in a non-Donald Trump way though. John had a professional demeanor and was always good with words. I thought that was considerate of him. I knew he did not enjoy this part of his job. He had been telling me for years that he wanted to leave. He hated his job. He hated many of his co-workers, his boss, and the politics. Now I think, it was pretty much like the White House. I actually felt bad for him. I always get messages like "Find me a job!" "This place sucks." “I fn hate this place!" Does John really hate his job? He said the only thing that makes him stay is the money, until I realized later, there were other “perks” of the job he found very convenient. All that time, I thought his very demanding job was the big stressor of our relationship. It was. I just did not realize it was going beyond his office hours.
"Trump and Ivanka"
John adores his daughter Nadine, as much as Trump adores Ivanka. However, I am cutting this one short, because unlike Ivanka, though Nadine loves her father, she would not defend him on his shenanigans. She would not cover up his lies to make him look good. In fact, the only reason she did not tell me it was Lili all along, was because I didn't ask her, and because she knew it would hurt 100x more because it was obvious to her that there was a bigger story behind the "not-so-new" girlfriend. Unlike Ivanka, Nadine is compassionate, does not bow easily, and her love for her father does not mean not having a mind her own.
“Alternative Facts”
Trump’s critics say he is a pathologic liar, that his lying isn’t just a tactic, but an ingrained habit. John once told me, “Trump lies all the time. And the problem is, he believes his own lies.” Now I see the hypocrisy in this as I believe John is the same. I realized how many lies John had told me in the last 4 years or so. But then he is also one who will deny his own lies till the very end. And if he ever gets a chance to defend this, John would give the same response he had been giving me the last 4 years, “Not telling the truth is not the same as telling a lie.” I guess this is the equivalent of Kellyanne Conaway’s “alternative facts.”
More than once I found a few women accessories in his (our) bedroom. His answer was either, “It could be Nadine’s,” or “You know I have a daughter.” If you think about it, “technically” he was not lying. Again, his motto was, “Not telling the truth is not the same as telling a lie.” I still did not doubt him. Nadine sometimes left her things in his dad’s room, just like my Samantha usually left her clothes and make-up in my bedroom. If only I took a closer look at those items, it was pretty easy to tell they were not Nadine’s. But then, that was a time where I felt secure of John’s love and loyalty. In fact, once I jokingly said, “I hope you’re not inviting someone over when I’m not around. Long distance relationships are tough.” His answer was, “ Are you kidding me? With my schedule and type of work, I couldn’t even keep up with one girlfriend! And do you know how expensive that would be? I would be so drained!” Like any trusting partner, I believed him. His last statements made me feel guilty I even asked.
“Fake News”
In a way, I became a “Trumpster”of John. I believed everything he said, even those that now I think were actually too obvious for any woman with a cerebrum. I was oblivious to logic and to his lies, and there are too many to recall, with some deserving of their own short story. The rare times I asked him about something that did not make sense, I got a response of “You are wrong!” Now, I realize that was John’s equivalent of Trump’s “Fake News!” And if I get a response of “You are wrong on so many levels,” then that was the equivalent of Trump’s, “That’s very very fake news!”
Before you comment, please note that this post was not meant to be political.
More than once I found a few women accessories in his (our) bedroom. His answer was either, “It could be Nadine’s,” or “You know I have a daughter.” If you think about it, “technically” he was not lying. Again, his motto was, “Not telling the truth is not the same as telling a lie.” I still did not doubt him. Nadine sometimes left her things in his dad’s room, just like my Samantha usually left her clothes and make-up in my bedroom. If only I took a closer look at those items, it was pretty easy to tell they were not Nadine’s. But then, that was a time where I felt secure of John’s love and loyalty. In fact, once I jokingly said, “I hope you’re not inviting someone over when I’m not around. Long distance relationships are tough.” His answer was, “ Are you kidding me? With my schedule and type of work, I couldn’t even keep up with one girlfriend! And do you know how expensive that would be? I would be so drained!” Like any trusting partner, I believed him. His last statements made me feel guilty I even asked.
“Fake News”In a way, I became a “Trumpster”of John. I believed everything he said, even those that now I think were actually too obvious for any woman with a cerebrum. I was oblivious to logic and to his lies, and there are too many to recall, with some deserving of their own short story. The rare times I asked him about something that did not make sense, I got a response of “You are wrong!” Now, I realize that was John’s equivalent of Trump’s “Fake News!” And if I get a response of “You are wrong on so many levels,” then that was the equivalent of Trump’s, “That’s very very fake news!”
------
Now, to my readers… As sad as these may all sound, remember
that my blog’s title is Bye Felicia, Hello Life. The “Hello Life” parts will
be blogged about, (some are already in “The One With The Piano” and “The One With The Summer Surprises.”) But
as writer Octavia Butler said, “ You don't start
out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap… thinking
it's good stuff, and then gradually, you get better at it.”
Subscribe to get alerts for the next
"chapters"
Please share your comment below.
Comments