"The One with More Mendacity"

DISCLAIMER: These stories are inspired by Felicia’s colorful 2017. If the reader prefers, the short stories/blogs or parts of it may be regarded as fiction. But as Ernest Hemingway said, there is always the chance that fiction may throw some light on what has been regarded as fact.

"The One with More Mendacity"

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I was told that most people who get cheated on  have a thousand unanswered questions. Rarely will a truly remorseful one  acknowledge his/her mistake. Even if there was no attempt of reconciliation, a cheating partner with half a heart will not only apologize, but will explain and help the betrayed come to terms with themselves. On the other hand, the cheating covert narcissist can’t, and will never give you answers. Why?  Because that is too kind.

Do you remember “The One With My First Weekend in Hartford?” The one when I realized that the man I adored and admired was this pretentious, selfish and cruel narcissist living a double life? Well, it turned out there is more to that “double life.”

In 2010, John was administrator of a high school. Apparently, there was a mishandling of a sexual assault case involving a student with disabilities. John and I were not dating at that time, but I remember him mentioning that story to me. I figured it was one of the challenges of being a boss; you become accountable for your employees’ faults. I did not see this as a red flag at that time. After all, he was not directly involved in the incident. It was just that, the box ended in his office, and like any manager, it might have been an unintentional lapse of oversight on his part.  So he left that job, but he told me it  was because of all the stress and the drama. He also said, his good friend, James, invited him to apply to become his “right hand” at another district, a job that may have been written for him.  He then moved to another state, and that was where he met Lili, the assistant of one of his colleagues. At that time, he was still dating, and then ended up living with and in Marlene’s house.

Fast forward to 2017...

Sometime in December, after my surgery (Spoiler Alert: “The One with the Surgery”, when I started contemplating about writing my story, I began doing some research. Yes, just research. I was no longer looking for answers to my endless questions of how, why, when, where and what John did. Fortunately, back in November, Lili already gave me the answers... all the answers, and many more that I didn’t even ask for.

I did not go very far in my “research.” I already knew about his once hidden Pinterest account with hundreds of pins on why Geminis are the best at practically everything (Spoiler Alert: The One with the Pinterest).  

The one thing that made an impact on me was something that was already on the worldwide web years ago. The article’s headline was Sexual Assault Case Advances to U.S. District Court. Now, one might say, “but John already told you about that.” Well, he mentioned the 2010 incident. What he did not tell me was that, the case was active the whole time we were dating, and that the case made it to federal court. I had no idea.

The article’s last paragraph showed that the federal judge granted the plaintiff’s claims asserted against the individual defendants. So what does that have to do with me or our relationship? Well, that article was published just a couple of months before John proposed to me. John had some serious pending court case he did not tell me about. What else was he keeping from me?

I understand that there are some things one may choose not to tell their partners. But why would John not share this very important story to me, especially when he was already planning a future with me, “allegedly...” (So my mind started playing Q and A’s, and I thought, this is definitely a Bye Felicia, Hello Life writing material!

So why did John hide all these from me?

Was it because he was embarrassed?

I know John is a proud man and hardly takes accountability for anything. But was he that proud that he would hide something like this. I would have appreciated the humility. I would have comforted him.

Was it because he was afraid I would judge him? Did he think news like these would make me leave him?

I hope this was the reason. because I would not want to have anything to do with a person who had other reasons to keep a secret like this. At that time, I would have believed him... I would have supported him. 

Was it because he might have a large settlement that would affect his financial stability? affect our financial stability?

I would have appreciated the honesty. I did not expect to be taken cared of financially. But then, that was another fraud he committed on me, a “financial infidelity.” This actually made so much sense now. (Spoiler Alert: The One with Ain't Dating No Broke Bitch").  

Was it because he really did not care much about the case?

If so, then that just made him an enabler. I sincerely hope that this was not the reason.

The last one brought me to another stroll down memory lane. A few years back, John told me  about a similar incident at his job. A week after that conversation, that incident made it to the papers, and he sent me the link with a message of, “This is what I was telling you about.” I guess there was this common practice for administration to cover up any embarrassing incidents in their district. This one bothered him a lot. John told me that many of his colleagues could no longer handle the stress, so they ended up quitting. I admired him for staying despite multiple text messages of “ I hate this f’n place,” “Work sucks. This place is going down!” “I’m on the verge of quitting this f’n job.”  But he made it sound like he had so much integrity, and that despite the politics, which for him was so unbearable, he seemed genuinely concerned for the welfare of the communities he served. I truly believed that, but after the revelations about John’s true self, I started to think...

Was money more important for John than integrity?

Did John throw some of his colleagues under the bus to save his job? Many left, many were fired (some by him),including James. With the John I know now, and with what he did to me and to many others, I could see him being a betrayer and an opportunist.

Was he protecting his job or was he just following orders? He fired so many people for budget’s sake (maybe), yet somehow, was generous to a staff member who was involved in that repulsive incident. 

As much as I hate the thought of John being an enabler, another conversation with him  made me think he could be one. (Spoiler Alert: This 2017 conversation will be in another blog.)

I understand that this may look like a good riddance kind of story, but it really is, as always, a what I have learned kind of story. Like my other posts, this made me realize how fortunate I was to have escaped a life that could have killed me eventually.  I have many people to thank. I could have listened to them and ended my pain much sooner. But as stubborn as I am, I needed someone like Lili to open my eyes. (Spoiler Alert:“The One Where Lili Saved Me”)

I am going to end this one with a bit of humor and some lessons I  learned from this discovery.

Educators are mandated reporters.

It is unfortunate that policy in most school systems, on many occasions, is that the victims of bullying and/or sexual assault are the ones transferred to another school, and not the perpetrators.

Money and mendacity one thrives on make a terrible job one hates so much, worth keeping.

Most people nowadays Google someone before they go on dating.  Continue to Google them “while” you are dating...and two years later...or even four.

Just because they look good in a suit, it does not mean they are honorable.

To be continued…

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