The UGLY TRUTH OF WHY THEY CHEAT
By Imelda Post, Hemet CA
He lied. He cheated. He denied.
A guilty person doesn't like being caught; they will deny it to the bitter end; they will blame everyone before they confess. Why? Because it makes them look bad and feel bad. And since when have you ever heard a criminal confess to a crime? It takes detectives years to come up with evidence and convict them before they admit it. This is the truth about anyone who is guilty of cheating or otherwise. And even if they have no more choice, but to admit to the crime, they will find a way to make it look like they did it for a noble reason, or that they were, at one point, a victim themselves because no one understood their feelings.
Before they are caught, they are abusive, neglectful, secretive, deceitful, unhappy looking for an outlet to their unhappiness. They have convinced themselves YOU are the problem not them. How can it be them? They can't be the reason for their own unhappiness... YOU are the problem. This is where they get their justification for going behind your back. They would rather escape, than deal with the real issues. Dealing with the real issues makes them uncomfortable. It is easier to find a reason to blame you.
Meanwhile, as they are avoiding the real problem, they are also busy making you feel like a crazy person, so they have reason to avoid you. It starts out subtle, day by day, month by month until you hardly see them or talk to them or hold them. Pretty soon, they avoid you all together. And then they give you excuses. You have no reason not to trust them; they haven't yet given you one. But deep down ,you know something is wrong. You feel the neglect, If you are dealing with a narcissistic covert cheater, they are one of the worst. From the beginning of the relationship, they started to run their game on you. They were testing the waters long before you ever knew anything about the personality disorder. Talk about making you crazy.. .yes, subtle humorous jabs at your expense, put downs and careful insults. They learn to control you and put you on edge. They started it with a cat and mouse game. The rest was a piece of cake for them. So if you ever felt disoriented, anxious, doubtful, insecure, abandoned, alone, emotional, know that this is part of their manipulation. This is how they create the PTSD trauma within you. You loved them so much, your mind cannot understand, cannot accept, cannot wrap itself around the ugly reality of how anyone you love could treat you this badly. But they can… and they will and …they have.
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- Ocean Queen, Imelda Post of Hemet, CA , a single grandmother of 7 beautiful grandchildren, is a free spirit who enjoys music, books, photography, traveling and living life with a pinch of sarcasm. She was married for 18 years; married late on purpose to hopefully avoid a divorce, but she still fell into the trap of a narcissist.